The Curse of Sigi Schmid

Last night confirmed my worried suspicion that something was naught at Crew Stadium. If you didn’t see, the LA Galaxy trounced Columbus 3-1. It was brutal.  As a Columbus supporter it actually made me feel physically ill to watch that abomination of a game. The Crew were terrible. It was like watching the 30 year reunion of the Bad News Bears. No imagination or creativity on and off the ball, just a bunch of headless chickens flailing their legs with the hope that they will magically lob the ball through the Galaxy’s stone defense. It’s been like this all year. The team is only where they are right now in the standings because of luck and Guillermo Barros (Es)Schelotto.

But where did their heads go? Why do the chickens have no heads? They had them screwed on tight on their MLS cup run in 2008. They even had a couple left in 2009. Where did they go? I’ll tell you where. Sigi Schmid has them. He keeps them in his belly and he sure as hell isn’t giving them up. He’s tried to put them on his Sounders, but Crew heads just don’t fit right onto those green bodies.

Ever since Sigi has left Columbus, the Crew have been on a downward spiral, even though the Cup winning core is still there, trying to relive past glories. Not only that, but they have added some good players in Emilio Renteria and Leandre Griffit. But the offense has lagged, scoring mainly through GBS free kicks, penalties and goalie howlers.

Some might say that this is because of bad coaching. Robert Warzycha has made some, let’s say, questionable decisions. Constantly playing two defensive midfielders who have little to do with the attack, and sticking with under-performing players such as Adam Moffat and Robbie Rogers while other players with true potential sit with a grimace on the bench. Picking Bright Dike, playing to not lose instead of to win, constantly playing Moffat, benching GBS in the playoffs, constantly playing Moffat; the list is long.

But the truth is that Sigi has taken Warzycha’s head to Seattle too. Sigi was most displeased during contract talks with the Crew F.O., so he won his Cup and bolted Cowtown. But before doing so, he placed a curse on America’s hardest working team. Translated from his native German, he said “I will take your heads and you guys will play ugly soccer without me, and constantly play Moffat!”

And so here we are, playing for the tie using longballs and freekicks. We can only hope that Sigi with have pity and release us from his German voodoo curse. Maybe we can just buy him off with a bucket of wings…

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